Thoughts on True Marriage
Daniel Valles 4/2/04  www. informedchristians.com

While I do not know what your situation is, nor am I an expert in this area,
here are some verses that I pray can be an encouragement.

1 Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives"
subjection: "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden"

1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

Ephesians 5:21-25
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it"

Titus 2:4-5
"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Mark 10:6
"But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
"And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh."
The word 'cleave' here has the strong idea of glue.

Your desires, wants, and needs are now intertwined with theirs.
Christ instructs that the way husbands and wives are to relate to each other is to view the other ahead of themselves.
Husbands are to love and honour their wife.
Wives are to voluntarily cooperate and subject themselves with their husbands, as a Christian does with the Lord.

When one becomes preoccupied or more concerned about their feelings, then marriage almost literally comes unglued.
Little by little. Preference and ungrudging love are the bonds of marriage.

Christ emphasized this point so strongly that He even said (1 pet 3:7) that if you do not honour one another over yourself, it will even hinder your prayer life with God. If both of you desire God's help in restoring your marriage, you both must recognize the fact that if both of you are not willing to prefer each other above yourselves, God will be hindered in helping you.

Col. 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."

Malachi 2:14-16
"Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously."

Note that many of these verses are to the husband, who (representing Christ) sets an example to the wife, who loves him in return. It is also interesting that God uses the term 'covenant'. The word marriage is almost a technical term, but a covenant is a pledge. A pledge made between you and your spouse and God.

Adam and Eve had a 'marriage ceremony'.
Gen 2:22-23 says, "...made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
God brought Eve to Adam, and standing before God, Adam declared to Eve that he was going to view her as himself. Her needs, desires, and wants were his desires, needs, and wants.

Marriage Covenant = (God + Honour + Repect + Love) - self

Also, if your prayers are not hindered, then pray that God will give you the grace to have the testimony and love that cannot come from the flesh, but of God.

II Cor. 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work"

I hope and pray that this can be an encouragement to both of you.
Feel free to write back.

II Thess. 2:16-17
"Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us,
and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace,
Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work."

"We do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies." Daniel 9:18